Is your wife lonely?

Sangeeta Shah (43), a homemaker, feels depressed and lonely most of the time. She thinks her children don''t need her anymore and her husband takes her for granted. As an escape route, she joined a kitty group. She also took to smoking covertly and joined in the gambling sessions of her kitty.
Call it a kind of existential angst or simply, identity crisis, but Sangeeta is just one the many homemakers in Kolkata who undergoes these kinds of stress-related disorders.So, whether it''s children not talking enough with the mother or one''s husband not bothering to discuss matters with his wife, but these are the most common grievances of women. Studies and research on the issue show that women above 30 are usually prone to such crisis.
"Studies have found out that a large number of homemakers feel that they are of no value. This happens due to accumulated stress over a long time. This kind of emotional disturbance hampers interpersonal relations among family members. As a result, women often neglect their children. They begin drinking and smoking and as a last resort, indulge in extra-marital affairs," explained psychotherapist Lalitha Jalan.
According to Jalan, psychosomatic problems are predominant among homemakers and they tend to suffer from backaches, stomach pain though these problems are related to the mind. They also develop obsessive compulsive disorders like cleanliness and washing mania where they spend long hours in the bathroom.
Uma Agarwal, a homemaker, who was suffering from depression and stress, decided to attend a workshop when she couldn''t cope with her own problems. "The therapeutic sessions made me face my inner self and it was a cathartic process. It made me aware of my responsibilities and I discovered that other family members were going through different problems. We need to go through this exercise of self-realisation as we tend to put the blame on others," said Agarwal.
According to advocate Gitanath Ganguly, executive chairman, Legal Aid Services, West Bengal, in any male-dominated, patriarchal society, these problems exist among women. "Excess of money, over-qualification and ego-centric predicament are the three most common problems. These lead to extra-marital relationships and live-in relationships affecting the family structure," said Ganguly.
However, Vidya Pai, a social worker, says that women at large face this problem. "Even working women feel a sense of
guilt and stress which needs to be expressed. Sharing a common platform with similar women is necessary because it made me realise that there are many other women who undergo a similar crisis," said Pai.
According to relaxation therapist Dr Sukhdev G Punjabi, who conducts workshops with homemakers and working women, the primary task is to make a woman understand her role and identity vis-a-vis her family. "We try to make women find their personal space which is crucial to find one''s own self. While homemakers are restricted to a small cultural background here, working women take out their workplace induced pressure at home."